Tuesday, May 31
WACKO THEORY
Accused child molester Michael Jackson thinks he'll be convicted — thanks to a massive conspiracy by ex-Sony honcho Tommy Mottola aimed at nabbing his multimillion-dollar Beatles music catalog, a shocking new article claims.Full Story
GIRL, 9, STABS PAL, 11, TO DEATH
An angry tug-of-war over a rubber ball ended in tragedy yesterday when a 9-year-old Brooklyn girl fatally stabbed her 11-year-old best pal — so close, they were "like sisters" — as the victim's real sibling watched in horror, police and relatives said.Full Story
Saturday, May 28
WACKY POL 'POO-POOS' BABBLE BILL
An angry city councilman raised eyebrows yesterday by resorting to bathroom humor to make a point about the council's ridiculous legislating.
Councilman James Oddo (R-S.I.) fumed in a press release that after learning the council wants to go so far as to translate its Web site into six languages, he wouldn't be surprised if the next move is to tell voters how to wipe their behinds.Full Story
Councilman James Oddo (R-S.I.) fumed in a press release that after learning the council wants to go so far as to translate its Web site into six languages, he wouldn't be surprised if the next move is to tell voters how to wipe their behinds.Full Story
BUCK NAKED
BANK EXEC BUSTED FOR EXPOSING HIS ASSETS
A JPMorgan Chase sales exec wore nothing but a condom when he jumped from behind a tree on a popular New Jersey biking and hiking trail - but he didn't realize the woman he'd exposed himself to was an off-duty police officer, authorities said yesterday.Full Story
A JPMorgan Chase sales exec wore nothing but a condom when he jumped from behind a tree on a popular New Jersey biking and hiking trail - but he didn't realize the woman he'd exposed himself to was an off-duty police officer, authorities said yesterday.Full Story
Friday, May 27
SPARING THE ROD
Michael Jackson was spared courtroom humiliation yesterday when the judge in his kid-sex trial ruled that close-up photos of the King of Pop's penis could not be entered into evidence.Full Story
BANKS PORN $HORN
A one-time porn queen, using brazen beauty and come-hither eyes, ripped off six New Jersey banks to the tune of $40,000 in an identity-theft scam by dolling herself up in a black pinstriped power suit and heels and posing as an actual bank customer, police said.Full Story
PLAYING WITH FIRE
COMMISH ALARMED
Fire Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta yesterday took a flamethrower to two fire-union bosses - charging they're endangering lives by slowing firefighters' response times in a bid to increase staffing levels and stop firehouse closings.Full Story
I'm sure we can beat this obvious headline. So obvious, in fact, the NY Post and the Daily News had the same headline. Pfft.
Fire Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta yesterday took a flamethrower to two fire-union bosses - charging they're endangering lives by slowing firefighters' response times in a bid to increase staffing levels and stop firehouse closings.Full Story
I'm sure we can beat this obvious headline. So obvious, in fact, the NY Post and the Daily News had the same headline. Pfft.
Thursday, May 26
CLASS ACTION
DIOCESE PLANS 'SCHOOLS Inc.'
DIOCESE IS ALL BUSINESS
STUNNED by a rash of school closings, the Diocese of Brooklyn is considering doing away with traditional parish schools in favor of a radical new corporate model for Catholic education, The Post has learned.Full Story
DIOCESE IS ALL BUSINESS
STUNNED by a rash of school closings, the Diocese of Brooklyn is considering doing away with traditional parish schools in favor of a radical new corporate model for Catholic education, The Post has learned.Full Story
Wednesday, May 25
'JOHN' HAS HE-SHE HOOKER NIGHTMARE
A man who arranged to meet a "woman" for oral sex in an Upper East Side apartment got more than he bargained for — first, the hooker turned out to be a man, then "she" stabbed him, and finally, "her" roommate sprayed him with Mace, police said.Full Story
DUMB & DUMBER
'POSTER' BOYS FOR STUPIDITY
A Brooklyn suspect in two livery-cab stickups redefined stupid yesterday when he walked into a police station to check on his arrested partner-in-crime — and found himself standing in front of his own wanted poster.Full Story
A Brooklyn suspect in two livery-cab stickups redefined stupid yesterday when he walked into a police station to check on his arrested partner-in-crime — and found himself standing in front of his own wanted poster.Full Story
Tuesday, May 24
CLEAN COLLAR
A robber tried to knock over a Brooklyn laundry, but couldn't get away clean, thanks to the fearless store owner and two court officers who hung him out to dry, cops said yesterday.Full Story
Another nice excerpt from the story:
"The dirty work began when Rodriguez walked into the laundry and asked to buy soap.
Another nice excerpt from the story:
"The dirty work began when Rodriguez walked into the laundry and asked to buy soap.
PERVS' VIAGRA NIXED
Gov. Pataki yesterday ordered a total ban on Viagra for all city and state sex offenders on parole — even if they pay for it themselves — amid outrage over taxpayer-funded sex drugs for convicted perverts.Full Story
FARE ENOUGH?
Post reporters yesterday put the MTA's new customer-service assistants to the test, asking about MetroCards, directions to the outer-boroughs and bathroom locations.Full Story
QUACK IS BACK
A quack plastic surgeon, suspected of performing a deadly cosmetic procedure on a New York investment banker — then concealing her corpse in a concrete coffin under his home — was finally extradited back to the city from Costa Rica yesterday.Full Story
Monday, May 23
HIT-RUN JAG RIPS WOMAN'S LEG OFF
A 21-year-old Brooklyn woman waiting for a bus yesterday was mowed down and her leg severed when a Jaguar jumped the curb, pinning her against a wall, police said.
The driver peeled away as dozens of good Samaritans were lifting the car off Adriana Melnichenko, witnesses told The Post. Full Story
The driver peeled away as dozens of good Samaritans were lifting the car off Adriana Melnichenko, witnesses told The Post. Full Story
PERVS' FREE VIAGRA
Medicaid is providing Viagra to nearly 200 of the state's worst sexual predators, under a federal program that has outraged local lawmakers, according to a new government report. Full Story
(There's got to be a better headline that this one. Am I missing a subtle pun?)
(There's got to be a better headline that this one. Am I missing a subtle pun?)
GUILT TRIP
The high-school senior who cheated death by suddenly backing out of a doomed Coney Island plane ride thanks God she's alive — but feels excruciating guilt over the pal's dad who took her place and died, a friend said yesterday. Full Story
Sunday, May 22
DEATH RIDE
A small plane trailing black smoke crashed onto the beach in Coney Island yesterday, killing four and horrifying beachgoers who saw the victims' terror-stricken faces during the fatal plunge. Full Story
Saturday, May 21
UNDIES PROBED
U.S. PROBING UNDIES LEAK
The Pentagon yesterday launched an investigation into who photographed Saddam Hussein in his underwear at a U.S-run prison in Iraq. Full Story
Janeanne gets special mention for predicting the subheadline for this article. Way to go!
The Pentagon yesterday launched an investigation into who photographed Saddam Hussein in his underwear at a U.S-run prison in Iraq. Full Story
Janeanne gets special mention for predicting the subheadline for this article. Way to go!
Friday, May 20
DARK $IDE OF SITH
The hot new "Star Wars" flick has conjured up some villains to go alongside Darth Vader — video pirates. Full Story
BUTCHER OF SAGDAD
SADDAM'S LIFE IS A HARD CELL
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Here's Saddam Hussein, the one-time Butcher of Baghdad, stripped to his tighty whities in an Iraq prison. Full Story
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Here's Saddam Hussein, the one-time Butcher of Baghdad, stripped to his tighty whities in an Iraq prison. Full Story
Thursday, May 19
CRUEL CAT BEATER WILL BE CAGED
A Bronx parolee who savagely beat his pet kitten last month has agreed to spend the next nine months behind bars, one for each of the nine lives he nearly snuffed out as a result of his sadistic attack. Full Story
RUDE, BUTT LEGAL
It's not necessarily a crime to pat a person on the posterior, a Manhattan judge has ruled. Full Story
CLASS ACT
Black and Hispanic fourth-graders in some of the city's poorest and lowest-performing school districts posted the largest gains on standardized state reading tests this year — narrowing the achievement gap with whites and Asians to an all-time low. Full Story
Wednesday, May 18
Latin Lover
"LATIN LOVER: Mayor Miguel speaks Spanish to woo amigos"
For an article about Bloomberg's new election campaign commercials in which he speaks only in Spanish.
Winner:
13 Injured at Post HQ in Spanish-English Dictionary Scuffle
-by The Postman
For an article about Bloomberg's new election campaign commercials in which he speaks only in Spanish.
Winner:
13 Injured at Post HQ in Spanish-English Dictionary Scuffle
-by The Postman
Tuesday, May 17
OUT-POST THE POST ONLINE
OUT-POST the POST is here. Fun fun. The Post headlines will be posted as posts here. Out-Post headlines will be added as comments.
We'll kick it off with the next headling after "Holy Shiite" which is still just amazing.
We'll kick it off with the next headling after "Holy Shiite" which is still just amazing.
